Bonus Article! Tree . . . Recovered!

Who is Tree? How can I download TREE? Why was tree made?

Bonus Article! Tree . . . Recovered!

I would feel bad if someone waited all week for a brand new article and they ended up with a fluffy article about a joke UTAU . . . so I'm adding this in as a bonus article!

As an important note, I was manic when this all was going down (of course). Winchester may remember things differently than I did, and I don't think it's possible to recover chat logs from MSN Messenger to confirm how exactly it went down. I've already confirmed that I messed up some huge details from my memory just by looking for the "origin story" of Tree. The only way I can fully access my manic memories is by getting manic again. The pills keep me from ever getting there again, so an incomplete story is the best I can tell.

Winchester and I were weird kids. Honestly, I had an entire cloud of weird kids who were just silly and weird with me. One of our jokes that would make me laugh like an idiot was the Rosa Parks Blvd Memorial Statue. It was a statue . . . of a boulevard! Yeah, that's the kind of humor we were dealing in. (As a note, we were offensive in the weirdest way. I know Tree's signature item being Helen Keller is problematic, but I don't know how to put into words how.)

One recurring joke was that Tony Yonne was orange and green like a carrot. I took that too far.

"Hmm. I am a carrot. If I eat the popcorn, will I be a pop corn? Well, I shouldn't if I eat it like a chicken and not a popcorn. I eat carrots like a carrot, and that's why I'm a carrot." He pondered a bit before turning into a chicken and pecking the popcorn up off of the ground. He turned back into a carrot and said, "Oh yum I love popcorn. Especially when it's ground popcorn. Yum yummy popcorn." 

A few lines later, I purposefully wrote "A car walked up and said, 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'" I still laugh at the idea of a car walking.

But the car wasn't just a one off little sentence. No:

Kenta stroked his beard made of tomatoes and answered the car, "The car crossed the chicken because the car wanted to fly and didn't realize that chickens aren't good at flying, so the chicken and the road much have crossed to make chickens that were flat enough to raise in a little shelf, but long enough to still have the meat they need to be ecological. I mean economical."

The car stared at Kenta. He ran away crying. 

Kenta pulled a lemon from his beard and started eating it. 

 That particular fic ended in "Ebi and Terra did a happy dance and then they took a nice long nap under Tree."

While rare, I was able to find one fanfic that wasn't at all problematic while still having my 2009 style of humor. (2009?! It's 2019?! Wow.)

“Boop boop boop muuu boop.” 

Tomero Chii slowly rose from behind the table, eye level with a plate that he had set out.

“Boopity boop boop puuu.”

His green eyes stared at the white paper plate. He bit the table before mumbling, “I want cheese cake. How does one make cheesecake? With CHEESE, of course!”

“Pu pu pu pu pu.” He made ‘pu’ sounds as he stood up. Turning, he opened the fridge.

“MAFIGGY!” He shouted as he grabbed a pack of cheese slices from the refrigerator, “I’m sure glad I’m in America! Because America has CHEESE!”

“Boop boop boop boop poke poke poke I’m going to make a cheese cake. Or, as I like to call it, A Chii’s Cake! Oh Hahahahahahahahahaa.” Doing an interpretative dance that depicted the great potato famine, he put the cheese on the plate. He gasped as he stopped dancing. He flipped around before slowly putting his fingers to the plastic around the cheese. He slowly started to pick at it. Slowly. The glue holding the wrap together started to give. Right when he was about to have it open, he attacked it. His mouth foamed as he ripped into the packing at the highest speed he could manage.

He stopped. He put his hands to his face and giggled a trilling, girly giggle. Looking down at the now opened cheese slices, he knelt down so that he was at eye level with them again. He slowly placed the slices into a stack before pressing them down together. He jumped up and screamed, “I did it! Yatta! Woooo! BOOP! Desu.”

He stared at the cheese, “Hmm… It looks like cheese. And it looks like cake. Now what will it taste like? Cheese cake? It should.” He picked up the cheese and took a bite.

Tears burst from his eyes, “It just tastes like CHEESE! I wanted CHEESE CAKE!”

He curled up into a ball and cried for a few hours.

Then he stood, “MAFIGGY! I need to make some different Cheese Cake!”

He walked over to the fridge, “Hmm, Cheese Cake needs crust. I’ll make it a crust using cheese!” He pulled a block of Velveeta out before throwing it into the oven. He turned to the fridge and pulled out a cup of cheese cake yogurt. “Maybe this will work!” He set it into direct sunlight and left the room.

Fifty years later, he walked back in.
“MAFFIGY MAFFIGY MAFFIGY [editor's note: the mafiggy went on for an entire page]!” He screeched when he saw the perfect cheesecake sitting on the counter. He ran forward and omnomnomnomed it until there was nothing left but a note covered in sticky, off white, cheesecake filling. He read it.

“F- fu- ruumm yo- your lo- loving gi- girlfriend, Terra.” His eyes teared up as he read the note. He opened the oven to see his attempt at a cheesecake, now moldy and grosser than ever. 

He curled up into a ball and cried for fifteen hundred million years.

But then he heard that Loke and Anaka weren’t dating, ‘cause Anaka was now the dictator of all that lived, so he was happy.

He didn’t like Loke and Anaka together. It was creepy.

 Tree's origin story is just a bunch of problematic sentences strung together, so I won't be reprinting it here.

Tree the magical singing tree in the fanfics was what inspired the UTAU Tree if I remember correctly. I don't know what exactly we were doing, but Winchester was inspired by the magic singing tree. He recorded it, we wrote the ReadMe together, and I drew the icon.

Tree has been lost for years, but xKonari's networking abilities, Tree is publicly available for download!

How to Download Tree

Credits to Hez-kun for uploading this! If you want to use Tree so that you can make a ton of silly jokes about Tree, click here. (2021/01/15 edit! Thanks to a nice person sending me a DM about Tree's link being broken, I uploaded a copy! You can download it here. Please, please understand that this was the work of incredibly edgy, frustrated high schoolers in the early 2010s and I am sure that no one involved has that sense of humor anymore.)

I thought I'd find the Tree origin story I remembered writing, but it literally didn't exist. I had written something completely different. At least I got to look through my old fanfics in the process. I still get a laugh out of them to this day.