Wiki Wednesday #155 - Trainspud's JD

 Are dudes called blokes in Australia? If they are, this Australian bloke is kind and part of JAE Vocals, being the fifth numbered member.

Wiki Wednesday #155 - Trainspud's JD

So far, I think the worst thing about this mini pc setup is something that is easily replaced - they keyboard mouse setup. It's a wireless keyboard AND trackpad! I think that's just the niftiest thing, but clicking and dragging just straight up breaks. And the shift key is the same exact size as all of the letter keys!? But it makes a pretty sound when you type on it.

Who is JD?

art by Purpled

Hey there, friends! It's Franz, the fictional Martian man! Today, I'm going to tell you about the most hilarious of my father's deathbed confessions.

I was on Mars when my father passed. My mother was still in Appalachia, even though she was already making plans to go out West. She had to ask a nurse to use one of the computers to call me, given the whole embargo on modern technology unless required by the government thing. 

First, she sent a video. Martian time isn't something you can calculate easily thanks to the slight difference between Earth days and Martian days. She didn't want to wake me up just to tell me. I'm glad she sent the video first so that I could save it.

She was hysterical and her face was red. She was speaking in her city voice, struggling to get out words between bouts of laughter. All those years ago, my father thought he was a genius. He was gonna get our family a hundred pounds of meat with no effort. 

He had seen a cave with a little family of bears in it, and he knew that they should be hibernating. So he decided, as soon as he got his license, he was going to illegally grab a cub out of season. He had no plan on what he'd do to get the meat home. He did have his soft spots, like being unable to kill even a spider. But my mother was tough as nails. Having her field dress the poor baby was probably his first option. 

My mother was able to keep it together, swallowing back her laughs and holding back her tears, for that part. But then, the blubbering started. My mother is eloquent. She is a communicator. She knew how to get her point across. Instead, she was gasping out the words and just repeating them in different orders to get me to understand. 

Bears don't hibernate the way the story books would have you believe. They get up and do around in their den. So when he put his hand on the baby cub, it woke up. Then… He had some sense when he saw the Mama Bear start moving, so he started to back away.

The dumbest people have the best luck. Maybe because the Mama was drowsy, he was able to make it to a tree, hollering for his life. Because of his dumb luck, a neighbor with an actual truck was close enough to hear. The truck wasn't the real lucky thing, though. The real lucky thing was the weapons.

My mother had to pause and hold her breath. I could see the concentration on her face. In a flat but small tone, she almost whispered, "When he heard the shot, he screamed louder…" Her expression cracked and she nearly yelled out between laughs, "Because he thought the bear had a gun!"

The neighbor was a kind man. He had everything he needed. He saw me and my siblings and how lean we were. He made a vow to never reveal how the man with no weapon took down a grown bear. He let my father take home the bear for my mother to butcher and store in our deep freezer.

A lot of people think that the most interesting stories I'd have would be from Mars. But no - a bunch of intellectual educated people sitting around and running experiments isn't very interesting. Actually, it's the furthest thing from interesting. But stories about stupid men taunting nature? That's endlessly entertaining.

How does JD sound?

The bank is smol! Under six megabytes zipped! 

This is a jiisan bank. That means I am legally required to stan it. Despite being Australian and 21 years old, the accent is perfectly jiisan. If you like jiisan banks, this is a pretty great one!

Where can I download JD?

You can download him from his distribution page. This UTAU makes me happy!